Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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