Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
