she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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