There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
