Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
