I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You smell like stripper and shame
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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