We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
