theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
