We're like a lot better than the average bears
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
