I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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