Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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