how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize