I'm really into asian looking animals
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
