My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wear drunk well.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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