my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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