sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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