Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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