So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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