Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
