counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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