somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
