i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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