I should be sponsored by Trojan
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
