wrigley field is MILF paradise
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
