There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
