If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
