Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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