I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
