I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
