Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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