How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
