you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize