I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
