Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
