I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
