That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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