We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
