There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
