are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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