We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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