I CAN MOONWALK!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
