Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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