when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So many bounce houses so little time
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
