sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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