I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
