i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
