i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
