just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
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