First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
