??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
