They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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