Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
