Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize