maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
