Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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