There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
