i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
