in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
