I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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