How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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