How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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