If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
