2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
