one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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