spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
