i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
