I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
