hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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