1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
