I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
