Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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