He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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